…That title sounds like something I made up, doesn’t it?
LOL.
I haven’t posted here in a LONG time…in fact, I haven’t submitted any art in a while, either. But then, I haven’t been doing much of it, between revision and questioning “Where the hell is my life going?” I’m sure I’ve come to a conclusion that will maximise my capacity of knowledge-obtaining…but I’m also sure than in five years, I still wont be satisfied, and will probably be grasping at all sorts of things to learn more. But there has to be a cut off point, right? I’d say that over ten years of university study is more than enough of a reason to make that cut-off point. And if I’m really that desperate to “learn everything”, I can start picking off languages, or mastering chess.
As far as being the next scientific ‘prodigy’ goes…I think I’ve discarded the idea. I’ve had people talk to me all my life as though I’m supposed to be the next member of MENSA…but, I think I’m just fine with playing the normal card. Is it really smart to distance yourself further? And do I really have what it takes? I don’t think I’m quite willing to jump off that high horse just yet. I like that line of thinking…but I’m not confident enough to believe it. I’m not even sure if it matters if I do anything ‘extraordinary’ with my life. Who will remember? What good will it do? The future of our whole system – of our planet, our species and our culture – is uncertain. I don’t see much of a point to sacrificing my potential happiness for causes which might be in themselves, futile. Not when I can just as easily sit back and contemplate matters of life through the eyes of a philosopher, as I have been doing for the last ten years.
It still takes a lot of time, effort, patience and focus to get to where I’m heading…the biggest question for me now is if I’m capable of standing in front of a bunch of students from 9-5, teaching them without making them fall asleep. I’m confident that I can stand there. (In the last year, I have to be honest…I think I’ve become rather a spotlight-snatcher). I’m just not confident that I’m interesting enough.
When people talk to me, I feel as though there’s something about what I’m saying, or the way I’m saying it, that makes them fall asleep. To be honest, only a few friends and my teachers seem willing to sit and listen to me waffle on for fifty minutes about nothing. I don’t know if that’s because both the former and the latter are obligated, by position, to listen to a friend/student…or if they’re genuinely interested. I’d like to think the latter, but lacking self esteem says the former.
I guess the internet is a different story. You can’t see me. You can’t hear me. If you get tired of what I’m saying, you can search for the ‘Tl;dr’, or just skip ahead…
Perhaps university will boost my confidence…but, when it’s A level students I want to teach…if I’m boring them to death, do I really stand a chance? Philosophy, and Physics, respectively, aren’t the most easy of subjects to grasp. I’ve seen first hand that a lot of people seem to be quite uninterested in the extraordinary fundamentals of Philosophy…and I can’t imagine that anyone would be much different with a restricted core such as A level Physics.
I’ll have to wait and find out, I suppose. Until then…I’ll always have my potential quest for a M.Sc. in Physics; and my unquenchable thirst for knowledge.
I’d like to use a mean value; but…I don’t have enough suggestions. Maybe it’s time for S to make use of her new DA sub?